How to Tell Someone They Are Underperforming Expectations Without Crushing Them

Welcome back to the Rali-Co Community Corner.

One theme new leader’s consistently ask me about is this: How can I get comfortable having difficult conversations with employees who aren’t meeting expectations.

One of the hardest parts of leadership is telling someone they are underperforming.

When I first had to do this, I worried about how the other person would respond. Would they hear the feedback as criticism rather than constructive feedback?

But avoiding the conversation doesn’t help the individual or the team. The real issue isn't the conversation, it’s about how the feedback is conveyed.

Many performance issues aren’t about capability. They’re often the result of a missing skill, unclear priorities, insufficient systems or lack of critical information.

When responsibilities, communication norms, and success metrics aren’t clearly defined from the start, feedback could feel personal instead of professional.

Here’s how to frame performance conversations around the work, not the person:

1. Start with a Measurable Goal

Lead with context, not judgement. When expectations are tied to measurable outcomes, feedback becomes data-driven rather than emotional.

Example: “I want to talk about how we are tracking against our goals”

This approach protects confidence and accountability.

2. Be Specific and Clear

Provide concrete examples of where expectations weren’t met. Clarity reduces defensiveness. Ambiguity fuels it.

Example: “The last reports were submitted late. That impacts the team's ability to deliver on time.”

Strong leadership isn’t about softening the message. It’s about removing confusion.

3. Ask Before Assuming

Before jumping to conclusions, find out where the real problem comes from. Underperformance isn’t always about not wanting to perform. It’s often about, competing priorities, lack of clarity or broken systems.

Example: “What is working? What isn’t? And what do think will help us get back on track?”

Listening shifts the dynamic from confrontation to alignment.

Why This Matters More Than You Think

Leaders often assume confidence is fragile. In reality, what erodes confidence is uncertainty.

When people don’t know:

How performance is measured

Who is responsible for what

Or where they stand

They fill in the gaps themselves. And that’s where performance issues grow.

Strong leadership creates structure. Structure creates clarity. Clarity creates confidence. That’s the real work.

Before Your Next Performance Conversation:

Ask yourself:

Were expectations clearly defined from the beginning?

Or am I correcting something that was never fully aligned?

That distinction changes everything.

If you’re navigating a performance issue right now, you don’t have to figure it out alone.

In my new leadership program, we work on building the structures, clarity, and communication rhythms that make conversations like this easier and far less reactive.

If you’d like to talk through your specific situation, you’re welcome to book a 30-minute strategy call. We’ll look at what’s happening beneath the surface and identify your next best step.

Book a 30-Minute Conversation

Until next time,

Rachel